“My Shawshank Redemption”: A Self-Narrative Inquiry of an EFL Academic’s Emotions and Identities on Research Journey

Abstract

While there has been a surge of studies on English as a foreign language (EFL) teachers’ emotions and identities in research engagement, limited attention has been paid to how they integrate teacher and researcher identities and negotiate different emotions in research practice over time. Drawing on data from a variety of sources over a decade, this longitudinal self-narrative study investigated how an EFL academic (the author) negotiated and navigated conflicting identities and emotions in the process of becoming a teacher-researcher in a changing context. The findings unfolded the changes in her emotions and professional identity development over the course of her 10-year research journey, beginning as a discontented and perplexed performer with weak emotional resilience, progressing to a pressured and strenuous follower with moderate emotional resilience, and finally becoming a relentless and resolute integrator with strong emotional resilience. Her final integration of teacher and researcher identities represented her redemption on this bumpy journey. Implications for EFL teachers, school leaders, and education policymakers on how to help EFL academics integrate professional identities were also discussed.

Abstract

Plain Language Summary

This longitudinal qualitative study seeks to provide a nuanced understanding of the dynamic interactions among academic identity, teacher emotions, and socio-institutional changes through the lens of emotional resilience. Through revisiting the experiences of an ordinary representative EFL academic in a non-elite public university in China’s higher education, a bottom-up examination serves as a small window for readers to understand the teaching and research practices of Chinese universities. Using data from a variety of sources over a span of a decade, this study discovered that over the course of an EFL academic’s 10-year research journey, she experienced a wide range of emotions and negotiated her professional identities, eventually identifying with the teacher-researcher role in a complex environment. An analogy to The Shawshank Redemption could metaphorically represent her dynamic emotional responses and identity development. She began her research journey as a discontented and perplexed performer with weak emotional resilience, progressed to a pressured and strenuous follower with moderate emotional resilience, and finally became a relentless and resolute integrator with strong emotional resilience. Her final integration of teacher and researcher identities represented her redemption on this bumpy journey. This study has implications for not only individual EFL teachers but also for school leaders and education policymakers interested in assisting EFL academics in becoming emotionally resilient and integrating professional identities in research practice. In future research, a co-autoethnography study could provide a more informative interpretation of EFL teachers’ research emotions and identity development.